4/13/2018

BEEFBOY CLASSIC 38

YANNIS KALOPHALLIS NAMED TOP CUM BY CUMBLAST™ 
BEST IN THE GAME? Yannis Kalophallis celebrates his naming as having the Top Cum at this year's BeefBoy.  His elder brother won the award in 2015. 

Just prior to the Overall Finals trophy presentation, another non-competitive award ceremony was held to present the Top Cum trophy.  Although non-competitive, and in fact paid for and chosen solely by BeefBoy corporate sponsor CumBlast , the award is highly sought after.  This year’s winner was an ecstatic Yannis Kalophallis of Greece.

The annual award for Top Cum is judged by a panel of CumBlast executives, who sit front row next to the judging panel.  As the official sponsors of this year’s show, they decide who among the teens in the overall finals exhibited superior cum abilities.  Their unofficial judging criteria include volume, frequency, opacity, color and taste of the semen of the competitors.  The winner is awarded a cash prize of $100,000, a promotional contract with CumBlast for a full year, and the bragging rights to claim the best tasting cum in town.

Kalophallis was very excited to have been chosen, “It is an honor to have been chosen.  I know about the superiority of my cum, but now the rest of the world can know how amazingly rich and satisfying a shot of my man juice can be.  My brother won this award as well, so I am happy to be able to carry on the family tradition.”

Caught backstage as he waited for the Golden Phallus presentation, Bamboo was less impressed, “Everyone knows that award is just corporate BS.  By all rights I should have had it – boys from every end of the globe can’t get enough of my amazing cum.  But Yannis is a “legacy”, and more acceptable to travel the globe promoting their overpriced cum drink.  Whatever.”

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE TOP CUM AWARD?

DOES THE NON-COMPETITIVE NATURE OF THE AWARD TAINT IT?

4 comments:

  1. I like the idea of a cum award. I am thinking of adding it to my next Community College competition. Instead of the prize giver selecting the winner, I would have the competitors vote by secret ballot. The judges and prize giver would also cast votes. My team have eaten a lot of each other’s cum, so they would be the most knowledgeable.

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  2. I would like to see a move towards the strict counting of all these AMAZING gentlemen and their so-called "capabilities". To begin, I would like a very narrow definition of the word "cumload". A cumload consists of a single blast of cum from a gentleman's giant circumcised penis. So when you see that number of cumloads listed as 30 or 40 single shots of sperm. You know these are exceptional refined gentlemen with certain capabilities that very few men possess a huge penis.

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  3. There are interesting Naked Bodybuilding politics in action here.

    CumBlast™, long the industry-standard regulated cum drink, has of late been accused of product watering down, formula tampering, and the ever-growing legal spectre of additional undisclosed additives. A few lawsuits are pending, and while all are mostly frivolous, it's nevertheless clear that CumBlast's™ market share hold is now in question. And why?

    Enter Swante Walhelm's Thick 'N' Creamy™! There's little doubt (testimonials, videos, lab testing, albeit hurried but nevertheless somewhat impeccable within their narrow purview) that Thick 'N' Creamy™ is harvested DIRECTLY from the huge musclecocks of ALL of the 5 Walhelm Brothers! For now word is out that the blend is the choice distillation of the finest semen from Swante, Sven, Sten, Simon, AND Svolling, whose monster cock (which has been rarely photographed, and not since 2005) is legendarily said to produce no less than 6 gallons per week.

    More to the point: efficient cum milking has also always been a problem among Naked Bodybuilders, as few have the discipline (or, truth be told, the motivation) to control and collect semen flow for market distribution. It's well known that even the top pro NBs prefer instead to "expend" (that is, to waste) copious amounts of cum on NBA faces, in wildly undisciplined facial autograph sessions, down random fanboy throats, up gratefully receiving begging private sponsor buttholes. Disciplined collection has always been the bane of CumBlast™'s existence. The result? A diluted product that no longer meets standards - and a paper trail of payoffs as regulators look the other way (receiving additional perks like private midnight visits to hotel rooms by hopeful young competitors eagerly seeking recognition in hastily arranged private worship sessions).

    The industry is rife with corruption.

    But not so with the Walhelm Brothers! Cum milking (particularly after a training session focussing on deep squats and massive quads, hams, and glutes building) has become a longtime respected family ritual, to a level approaching the best of folk art. (It's said that Svolling's cum is best after blasting biceps, and that Sten's semen - the best tasting of the family - is at its peak while being throat-fucked by Swante.) Special safety glass bottles with huge-circumference spouts are used so that even Svolling's enormous penis fits safely inside during the 10 minutes of uninterrupted cumshooting he is known for. The milky warm liquid is then immediately transferred to temperature-controlled barrels in the cellars beneath the Walhelm family gym. Result: a superior product, regulated not by sex-crazed inspectors, but produced directly from the source with the same discipline and purpose that the Walhelms use to build their superior musculature.

    What it comes down to, then, is a case of filial competition, as the Kalophallis Brothers are now being bested in their public Top Gun status by the Walhelm's. And the Kalophallis's are not a little embarrassed, having failed to see the roadsigns ahead in the presentation of THEIR semen on the market.

    Indeed, how could they? Legally bound by CumBlast™, the Kalophallis's have long been casually supplying hastily collected semen to the challenged supplement giant.

    The Kalophallis award by CumBlast™ is nothing more than a weak attempt to gain a little PR edge. But that's not the worst of it. No less of Naked Bodybuilding stars Pierre Douton, Joff Ballo, Snake Assombo, and Yuri "Big Red" Korozoev are known to be supplying personal testimonials for the superiority of the Walhelm family blend.

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  4. Part 2:

    The gauntlet has been thrown! Will the mighty Kalophallis Brothers meet the challenge of the Walhelm's by successfully breaking ties with CumBlast™ and starting their own private label? An indication: a semen licensing legal team recently flew to Athens and transferred to a private flight heading for the remote Adriatic Ocean island favored by the Kalophallis brothers for naked training, all to initiate discussions on breaking the contract. It's presumed then, that the award was merely an attempt to bribe the Kalophallis family.

    As for Bamboo's comments: the Naked Bodybuilding star remains somewhat outside of the loop about the details - as is evidenced by the fact that his cock was busily ploughing a particularly luscious fanboy throat even as he released his somewhat empty statements on the award to reporters who were more interested in oral stim photography than a statement of record.

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